Borrow-Borrow make me fine

Loans and mortgages have been the down fall of many. Borrow-borrow make me fine as a life style, while efficacious in the short term usually leaves a bitter after taste in the long run.
I was warned as early as in nursery school about the perils of borrowing but I no gee learn.
I think it was between the Samco chocolate drinks and the sugar coated puff-puff that our teacher spoke of Cinderella. Yes the first credit card beauty. (Fairy God mother, Visa, American Express, same difference).
She got her groove on via credit and at 12 mid night it was pay back time. Has designer clothes turned to rags. Don’t be deceived by the banks who rigged the story and gave it a happy ending. Na lie. Prince charming found a glass shoe left behind and tried it on all the babes in town before finally settling on Cinderella’s feet and falling in love with her.
(Could it be this part of the story that poisoned my young mind with a girl’s shoe fetish?). I say na lie. Borrowing clothes can never lead to royalty via marriage.
If the above wasn’t enough, during my literature classes in secondary school, we read Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart. Here again we read of the tortoise who did an R Kelly and went to a feast in the sky with the birds. How you ask? He took loans. Feathers from each bird. He winked at madam as he flapped his borrowed wings, screamed ‘I’m bringing sexy back’ and flew. His father didn’t teach him that all loans had a life span. To cut the story short, he adopted a nick name of ‘All of you’ and when the host set the table and announced that the food was for ‘all of you’, the tortoise eat the whole lot to the chagrin of his creditors.
Each bird took back their feathers and the stranded tortoise begged for someone to tell his wife to put all the soft mattresses in the garden to cushion his fall from the sky. (Those were the days before text messaging). The bad belle Parrot then and told the wife to bring out all the metal objects. The poor creature saw the activities from the skies and smiled. He couldn’t see clearly. (No satellite pictures sef). He landed and fractured his shell so badly his genes were affected and subsequently all tortoises born had cracked up shells (Origin of Species ko. Origin of Species ni).
The moral of the story is don’t borrow!
This whole line of thinking was triggered by the local Porshe dealership who invited me to try one of their cars for 24 hours.
‘Which one would you like sir?’ them ask.
I no kuku know the name of any. In the end I took a Boxster. Costs £46,000 no change. Omo., if them try am for Lagos, the car go dey Ghana is three minutes.
I had always felt a two seated car was selfish. People may need lifts and where pickin go siddon. My people na lie. Okada no be two seater car? (There are many definitions of the word car).
Another problem I had with sports cars is that though I live in the UK and drive on UK roads, the memory of Lagos port holes still dey my brain. Some of those pot holes fit swallow the whole Porshe car sef. That’s why if them hammer for Lagos, first dem go Hummer (Yahoozeee).
But I no dey live for Naija now?
Anyway, when I sat in the ‘cockpit’ of the car come put fire, for the first time I understood the meaning of horse power. That thing dey run. Come see how people dey look me. Small time I blast ‘wetin dey’ dey jolly. At one stage sef e bi laik say na me be James Bond sef.
My people, I say God forbid Okada o!. If only two persins wan ride, na side by side for sports car dem suppose dey.
Problem dey sha. The car low and my hips dey cramped. The boot for front and back no fit hold pass 2 small yams and quarter bag of garri. We never talk of rice. If pickins wan commot, how I go chose the one pickin wey go ride with me. You sabi say if you vex pickin, when you old come die, na Geisha sandine them go serve for yua funeral. I no send.
Like Cinderella, my time was up and I go return motor, but I knack picture with am sha.
This morning my neighbour appear.
‘Where’s your new car?’ im ask dey fear say armed robbers done get Visa from Naija come Birmingham
‘I had it only for 24 hours. A test drive’ I answer. The man squeeze face.
‘I thought you bought it. I was looking to going out on a spin in it with you’ im come talk.
See im face. So if I dey find person to ‘spin’ inside my £46,000 motor (abeg convert to Naira), na man I go carry? See im head like spin.
No yawa. For 24 hours at least Borrow borrow made me fine.

One thing dey about car sha. No matter how e fine reach, like horse ,when you reach house you go leave am outside as e no fit enta bed with you. Na make love dey inside the house persin need. But if you no get Porshe and you no get love. Chai. Na only Jesus can save you!